Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
