The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
