have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
