Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
