that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
