Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
