in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
