some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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