So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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