i already hear my dad disowning me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
