and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
