it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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