whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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