More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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