I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
