I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
