adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
