forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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