dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
