It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
