when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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