Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
