We're like a lot better than the average bears
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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