when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
