you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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