Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
