but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
