I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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