The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
