your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
