margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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