You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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