i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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