My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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