Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
