I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
