I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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