i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
