Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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