its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We are all done wearing pants today
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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