then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
