I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
