My cat gives me a boner
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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