So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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