if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
