dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
