Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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