So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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