then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
