im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
