I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
