Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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