My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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