apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
